Last October 11 and 12, Michael and I got to attend our very first Couples' Getaway called Beyond I Do. It was pretty special for us because in the almost three years that I've been working in Victory Ortigas, we were finally able to attend a couples' retreat.
Aside from the fact that it was a great time to meet other married couples, a rare occasion to dress in famous couples costumes, and a perfect excuse to spend quality time with the hubby, Michael and I learned so many things that definitely will help us build strong foundations for our marriage.
Couples, costumes, and cuddles
In a nutshell, here's my key take away:
Marriage is about giving, giving, giving. Most, if not all, of us get into a relationship for what we can get get get from the other person. "This person can make me happy. This person can give me security." Yada yada yada. And that's not bad. It's simply human nature. But marriage is about giving--giving of one's self. As both husband and wife keep giving, both are able to receive love, understanding, patience, and sacrifice (to name a few) from one another.
This is something I've known intuitively, but makes so much more sense to me now that it's articulated. I'm so thankful for retreats like these. Can't wait for the next one!
I did the old fashioned thing and wrote on my journal this morning, asking questions and just allowing myself to be honest with God about my heartache. I flipped back to earlier entries written by a younger me, and I was reminded by 25-year-old Marielle something valuable in this season. Here's how the entry went:
January 7, 2011 On the way to work this morning, I was singing to a Michael Gungor song that goes "You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust." I was driving down the Katipunan C5 flyover at that time and as I saw the rising bright morning sun, I couldn't but recall the times I drove down that road, looking at the same morning sky, and back then, I was alone and asking God to heal my heartaches. Over a year later, I found more than what I was looking for. I see myself now married to the best man I've ever met and my heart mended completely. Lord, you truly make things beautiful.
I wrote that entry looking back at how heartbroken I was in 2008 and at how God completely healed me from the hurts of that year. Now, in my brokenness, I'm letting myself be taught by a younger me that there is no room for hopelessness even as I endure this pain. God has already shown Himself faithful, and all I need to do is trust that He will make all things new. As He is beautiful, He will make even this tragedy beautiful in His time.
Today, I remember my baby girl with tears in my eyes and at the same time, thanksgiving in my heart.
Brooke Gabrielle would have turned one month at exactly 1:41 PM today.Despite the painful fact that she is no longer around to blow her one-month-old candle, to be kissed and cuddled by her doting daddy, and to be dressed up and photographed by her adoring mommy, Michael and I think of her not with sadness, but with such pride at the way she positively affected so many lives and overwhelming joy at the assurance that she is now perfectly happy with her Creator.
It’s taken me quite a while to gather my thoughts and write about Brooke.I spent the past month longing to hold her every day.I wondered if I would ever be one hundred percent ok after losing such a precious one and if I could ever get over this.The answer to the latter is, of course I’ll never get over losing Brooke.What mother would get over her child?But God answered the former by filling me with His love, and that makes me certain that yes, I will eventually be ok.
My previous blog entry spoke about the miracle that transpired in Brooke, and how we believed with all of our hearts that she would be completely healthy, that she would live a full life, and that she would fulfill God’s great destiny for her.Months later, I write this entry still with absolute certainty that God did perform a miracle; He just had a bigger plan and a different outcome in mind. No one, not even doctors, may be able to fully comprehend what went wrong, and we may never get our answers as to why everything turned out the way they did, but we maintain unwavering trust in God’s best plans for us.He doesn’t owe us an explanation after all.His thoughts and ways are far greater and higher than ours.Though we did not receive exactly what we prayed for, we are certain of the fact that God loves us and that His plans are good, pleasing, and perfect.
Through it all, God showed us that Brooke DID live a beautiful, meaningful, and purposeful 61 hours, in which she was able to fulfill her destiny.She changed her mommy and daddy forever, teaching us to persevere in our walk with God against all odds.She brought her grandparents, titos/ninongs and titas/ninangs to a higher and deeper level of worship for a God who is great and deserving of our devotion.She even turned hearts back to God—hearts that were doubting, hearts that were no longer believing, and even hearts that have turned away from Him completely.I could go on and on about all the wonderful ways God used our daughter, but let me sum it up in this realization: the miracle that God had in mind this whole time was the miracle of changed lives.And that was the miracle He fulfilled through our beautiful Brooke.
While Michael and I should otherwise be feeling inconsolable grief, we are instead filled with tremendous hope.There’s the hope that God will completely heal all our hurts.There’s the hope that Brooke’s destiny did not end when she left this life but will live on in all the other lives her story will affect.Most of all, there’s the hope that we will be reunited with her, hold her, and worship with her the One True God in Heaven.She gave us so much joy during her brief time with us, and she left with us a treasure that no one can ever take away—a deeper, more solid relationship with God.At the end of the day, it’s all about Him, His love for us, and the amazing fact that He longs to draw us to Him.
I’m thankful that God brought my husband and me on this journey of faith and love, and we thank all of you who stood in faith with us.In believing for that miracle, you loved our Brooke with us, and because of that, our daughter received all the love she could get in my nine wonderful months of pregnancy and her 61 full hours of life.In believing, you allowed yourself to experience God at work in your heart, to know Him more, and ultimately, to draw closer to Him.
Thank You, Father, for blessing us all with with Brooke.She is and has always been Yours, but thank You for sending her to us for but a short period time to bring us closer to You and to allow us all to experience your everlasting love.
Lord, indeed You are worthy to be praised--not just for the wonderful and praiseworthy things that You have done, but simply because you are God. Today, You have given us the privilege to participate in a miracle through the life of our darling baby Brooke. Today, You have shown us that You can form a whole brain out of nothing and that You can move hearts to see You as You are--God Almighty.
Exactly one month ago (October 17, 2011), Michael and I had our routine ultrasound to find out if our little “Sweetpea” (as we fondly called our child whose gender was then unknown) was a girl or a boy. We also had the Congenital Anomaly Scan (CAS) done. To our delight, we found out that we were having a girl and confirmed that we’d name her Brooke Gabrielle, but to our dismay, the diagnosis of the CAS came out with what I’d call “a death sentence” for my daughter.
Brooke was diagnosed with holoprosecephaly, a condition wherein the brain didn’t form during the early weeks of development. The most severe type of which was noted as incompatible to life, which meant that Brooke would not make it outside my womb. This condition also came with facial deformity.
What I felt when these facts were presented to us, I can’t even begin to describe in words. As a mother, I could not believe that such a fate was given to my darling daughter. As a wife, I saw my husband’s pain through his tears and could muster up only enough strength to comfort him. When he was ok, I wasn’t. When I was crying my eyes out, he held it together for me. When I kept crying as I lived in the reality of the diagnosis, he shook me back to his reality--the true reality--of the Sovereign and Loving God who loved us so much and was willing and able to perform a miracle for our Brooke.
When he wasn’t ok and started getting sentimental after a brief visit to Mother Care, God gave me the strength to be the one that was ok, to be enthusiastic in seeing all those little girl clothes, and to remind him of the faith that we held on to. God was truly with us, and He was indeed the center of our partnership as husband and wife. We held fast to God’s first Word for us: Brooke was our reward (Psalms 127:3) no matter what the doctors said.
Throughout all these four weeks, we received support and love of every kind and from all fronts. Family and friends called, texted, facebooked, cheered us up, and prayed for us. The influx of support and prayers was truly overwhelming. What’s even more overwhelming was how our church family stood in faith and prayer with us for a miracle and a complete turn around of Brooke’s condition. Being faced with facts like that, it would have been easier to just accept it and expect even the worst so that we wouldn’t have to be disappointed by what would happen in the future. However, as believers, we knew God wanted us to see the facts with eyes of faith just as Abraham did, and believe that God is able to do the impossible (Romans 4:19).
Our church family held prayer meetings for Brooke weekly. Week 1, we cried out all our emotions and recognized the spiritual battle that this was. We renounced the work of the enemy and even then claimed Brooke’s complete healing. We prayed specifically--for the corpus callosum, falx cerebri, etc. of the brain to be in place. We prayed against any abnormality and believed that God would bless Brook with beauty inside out. We also acknowledged that Brooke was an instrument to tell of God’s goodness, greatness, and holiness. As the weeks progressed,, we could see God doing something new not just in our lives, but also in the lives of those who stood with us. He was not only making Brooke brand new; He was renewing us all!
This journey took us to a much deeper relationship with the One True God and enabled us to encounter Him in a more intimate way. He said to us all, “I am God. Is anything too difficult for Me?” And in all His splendor and might, He always always always said, “I love you so much, my children. I hear all your cries.” How amazing is that?
Today (one month later), we had an ultrasound done with the trusted sonologist of my OB, who happens to be also my Ninang. Admittedly, Michael and I were a little nervous, human as we are, but God assured us to have confidence (Hebrews 4:16) and that we should believe and NOT DOUBT (Matthew 21:21). When the ultrasound started, the first thing the sonologist said was “It’s not holoprosencephaly!” She examined our baby Brooke further, found some fluid in the brain, but confirmed that all parts of the brain were in place. The fluid could lead to hydrocephaly, and since baby Brooke was hiding her face, we could not tell how here facial features were formed. Everything else was perfect--complete spine, perfect heartbeat, kidney, arms and legs in place, good movements!
And this is where it gets amazing: The first diagnosis was not incorrect. It WAS a classic case of holoprosencephaly. The machine was not faulty. The sonologist was not blinded. It’s just that God turned the situation around. He had already performed the miracle by forming all of Brooke’s brain parts out of nothing!
Now, there are still things to pray and believe for. But as Michael and I left the hospital, we praised God for His miracle and believed that as we spoke, the fluids were gone, Brooke’s face was beautiful and without defect, and her development would continue perfectly. As we eagerly await Brooke’s birth some time in February 2012, we are happy to continue the race with faith and expectancy at how God will reveal Himself even more to us all.
In having prayed for the miracle and in continuing to do so, our ultimate reward is not the miracle in itself. The reward is God Himself--knowing Him, being loved by Him, loving Him, and seeking His face. All things will follow (Matthew 6:33).
As we believe in God’s mighty hand, we pray this every night. We call this Brooke’s prayer:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:13-16)
Brooke Gabrielle D. Manahan will be a living testimony that God is able to do the impossible. She will live to tell her story, and she will indeed be beautiful inside and out.
September 14 marked the 17th month of marriage for my husband and me. So we went for a simple food trip, but one that was definitely our favorite--Indian cuisine! Since New Bombay has so far been the best and most accessible Indian restaurant for us both, off to Podium we went and ordered away.
Our favorite items on their menu are mutton curry (ya gotta have some lamb!) and vegetable pulav. We tried a new dish which consisted of chicken cooked in some kind of thick and slightly spicy coconut sauce, topped with cashew nuts (i'll make sure to remember what it's called next time).
While I'm sold out to New Bombay as a better Indian resto compared to others I've tried (In Eastwood and in Tagaytay. I'd rather not name them.), I'm all ears to anyone who can refer us to another good place where we can get our spicy fix.
I'm reading my daily devotions through my favorite online site, BibleGateway, and simultaneously, I can't but be in awe at how things have changed since I last blogged actively. Here are seven out of the many things that are different:
1. The most apparent change is the fact that I'm doing my devotions while mobile and online. I never had a laptop this light and handy. I'm officially a Mac convert.
2. My husband is sitting right across from me, reading his Bible and scribbling notes. Yes, referring to "my husband" would mean that I'm married. I'm so married! And for more than a year now.
3. It's a Monday, and while everyone else is at work, I'm here at Starbucks, killing time. Working at the church makes this possible. My busiest days are now during weekends, and Mondays have evolved to become our rest days.
4. My husband is here with me. He's not asleep during the daytime, like he used to when he was still working in the graveyard shift. We're now officemates at the church, and we're loving it!
5. I'm having a high calorie, less-ice, blended whipped cream frapuccino. Apparently, gone are the obsessive days of the dieting Marielle. I did a 4k run at the gym, and that's enough for me to keep healthy. No more depravation.
6. In a couple of hours, we're going to do the groceries, and I'm gonna whip up a sausage and buttered vegetables dinner for me and my husband in our new home. This is actually my real full-time job--homemaker.
7. Reading the Bible no longer ends with ticking off another chapter in the book to document how far I've gotten in reading the whole Book. I find myself searching deeper, looking more purposively for the hidden treasures in God's Word. In this season in my life, there's just no excuse to be lukewarm. God has blessed me with everything I need to know Him more, so I'm now trying my best to be a good steward of that blessing.
So with that, let me share: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
It's been several months since I went on a hard-core vacation. The last time was a beach trip with my sister in the early months of summer. It's high time I go on another one, and so what if I'm going to the exact same destination--Boracay. This trip will be different. I'm going there with Michael, and it's going to be our first vacation together. It's only fitting now that we're engaged, well on our way towards married life, and starting to get busy for the wedding preparations. A good dose of R&R is exactly what we need.
On top of that, my girls are gonna be there and my parents, too! So it's gonna be one big party for all of us.
Baby since the day you came into my life You made me realize that we were born to fly You showed me everyday new possibilities You proved my fantasies of love could really be
Let's go to a place only lovers go To a spot that we've never known To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah Ooh this feels so crazy Oh this love is blazing Baby we're so high Walking on cloud 9
(You've got me up so high) So high (My shoes are scraping the sky) So high (You've got me up so high) Oh (My shoes are scraping the sky)
Maybe later we can go up to the moon Or sail among the stars before the night is through And when morning comes we'll see the sun is not so far And we can't get much closer to God than where we are
We'll go to a place only lovers go To a spot that we've never known To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah Ooh this feels so crazy Oh this love is blazing Baby we're so high Walking on cloud 9
(You've got me up so high) So high (My shoes are scraping the sky) So high (You've got me up so high) Oh (My shoes are scraping the sky)
Ooh...yeah Ooh...oh hey
Ooh this feels so crazy Oh this love is blazin' Baby we're so high Walking on cloud 9 You got me up so high You got me up so high You got me up so high My shoes are scraping the sky
You got me up so high You got me up so high You got me up so high My shoes are scraping the sky ooh...ooh... Yeah...
This is how love's supposed to be This is how, this is how love's supposed to be, yeah Let's go to the moon baby, ooh Let's go to the moon baby, yeah Let's go, go, let's go to the moon baby So high...
Venus/Aphrodite
You are the Greek goddess Aphrodite, also known as Venus to the Romans. You are the goddess of love, lust, desire and
fertility. You have been called the most beautiful of goddesses and undoubtedly the most desirable. But you are also known
for your hot temper, and the ease with which you grow jealous of women that profess to be more beautiful than you. You also
own a special girdle which has the power to drive men insane with desire. Since you were born of the sea, from which you came
to land riding on a scallop shell, sea food has been known as an aphrodisiac. Which GREEK (or ROMAN) GODDESS are you? (Girls Only) with pictures! in
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While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself
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