Today, I remember my baby girl with tears in my eyes and at the same time, thanksgiving in my heart.
Brooke Gabrielle would have turned one month at exactly 1:41 PM today. Despite the painful fact that she is no longer around to blow her one-month-old candle, to be kissed and cuddled by her doting daddy, and to be dressed up and photographed by her adoring mommy, Michael and I think of her not with sadness, but with such pride at the way she positively affected so many lives and overwhelming joy at the assurance that she is now perfectly happy with her Creator.
It’s taken me quite a while to gather my thoughts and write about Brooke. I spent the past month longing to hold her every day. I wondered if I would ever be one hundred percent ok after losing such a precious one and if I could ever get over this. The answer to the latter is, of course I’ll never get over losing Brooke. What mother would get over her child? But God answered the former by filling me with His love, and that makes me certain that yes, I will eventually be ok.
My previous blog entry spoke about the miracle that transpired in Brooke, and how we believed with all of our hearts that she would be completely healthy, that she would live a full life, and that she would fulfill God’s great destiny for her. Months later, I write this entry still with absolute certainty that God did perform a miracle; He just had a bigger plan and a different outcome in mind. No one, not even doctors, may be able to fully comprehend what went wrong, and we may never get our answers as to why everything turned out the way they did, but we maintain unwavering trust in God’s best plans for us. He doesn’t owe us an explanation after all. His thoughts and ways are far greater and higher than ours. Though we did not receive exactly what we prayed for, we are certain of the fact that God loves us and that His plans are good, pleasing, and perfect.
Through it all, God showed us that Brooke DID live a beautiful, meaningful, and purposeful 61 hours, in which she was able to fulfill her destiny. She changed her mommy and daddy forever, teaching us to persevere in our walk with God against all odds. She brought her grandparents, titos/ninongs and titas/ninangs to a higher and deeper level of worship for a God who is great and deserving of our devotion. She even turned hearts back to God—hearts that were doubting, hearts that were no longer believing, and even hearts that have turned away from Him completely. I could go on and on about all the wonderful ways God used our daughter, but let me sum it up in this realization: the miracle that God had in mind this whole time was the miracle of changed lives. And that was the miracle He fulfilled through our beautiful Brooke.
While Michael and I should otherwise be feeling inconsolable grief, we are instead filled with tremendous hope. There’s the hope that God will completely heal all our hurts. There’s the hope that Brooke’s destiny did not end when she left this life but will live on in all the other lives her story will affect. Most of all, there’s the hope that we will be reunited with her, hold her, and worship with her the One True God in Heaven. She gave us so much joy during her brief time with us, and she left with us a treasure that no one can ever take away—a deeper, more solid relationship with God. At the end of the day, it’s all about Him, His love for us, and the amazing fact that He longs to draw us to Him.
I’m thankful that God brought my husband and me on this journey of faith and love, and we thank all of you who stood in faith with us. In believing for that miracle, you loved our Brooke with us, and because of that, our daughter received all the love she could get in my nine wonderful months of pregnancy and her 61 full hours of life. In believing, you allowed yourself to experience God at work in your heart, to know Him more, and ultimately, to draw closer to Him.
Thank You, Father, for blessing us all with with Brooke. She is and has always been Yours, but thank You for sending her to us for but a short period time to bring us closer to You and to allow us all to experience your everlasting love.
Labels: Brooke, faith, family, love
