Give the Day a Chance to Start

She, too, lost a daughter.  Her journey was different from mine in that Maria Sue was killed in an accident, but our journey is in many ways the same in that we both understand God's sovereignty and divine plan, we're both happy that our little princesses are safe in the arms of our Savior, and yet we both will never stop wanting to hold them in our arms.

Brooke will always be a part of me, and to be physically without her makes me feel like I can never be completely whole again in this life.  I'd like to be able to say that God's grace enables me to move forward miraculously without the scars brought about by losing her.  However, I also know that it is in my honesty and weakness that God's grace can be magnified.  I don't have it all together, but my Jesus does, and because He does, He holds me together.  Broken and yet completely whole in Him.  Hurting and yet healing because of His finished work on the cross.

Books have been my friends in this season of questions.  I've been drawn to women who have experienced a similar loss, hoping to grasp from their story some comfort that things will get better in time.  But at the end of the day, it's just me and my Father in Heaven.  No amount of comforting words, inspirational books, and milk tea therapy (so shoot me! I'm into the fad! teehee) will ever make up for the fact that it's only Brooke that I want--to hold her, smell her, tickle her, and see her grow up into a beautiful woman.  It's only when I come before God in all my heartache and brokenness that I experience comfort that lasts.  It's only when I am able to ask Him to turn this pain into gold that I can truly be happy and expectant at the amazing things He will bring our way as we faithfully walk this broken road with Him by our side.